Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Daily Affirmation

Alexia is not a fan of naps. I don’t get it. I love a good afternoon nap. But, when it comes to that magical time of day when she’s crying for no good reason, and I know she’s fed, clean and I know she’s tired, she will not cooperate with my best efforts at putting her down for a nap. I usually try putting her in her bassinet after a sleepy feeding, but she always knows I’m putting her down, so she wakes up. At which point, I bundle her up and hold her for a few minutes, so she can fall asleep in my arms, and I can put her in her bassinet after she’s asleep. Sometimes that works. Most of the time, however, she wakes up when I put her down anyway, and she screams bloody murder for several minutes. This is the time of day when I have to exercise extreme will power and not get her. I have such a hard time listening to her cry because I imagine she’s saying “mommy, why did you leave me?” Or, “why don’t you love me?” Or other self-destructive thoughts. So, my new technique is to chant to myself quietly “I’m a good mother, I’m a good mother, I’m a good mother,” while I listen to her cry herself to sleep. I’m sure I must be doing something wrong. I’m sure all you experienced mothers know better ways of putting babies down for naps. I’ve even read books that say that if you put babies down for naps at precisely the right time (when they’re tired, but not over-tired), then they should fall asleep without tears. Apparently, this author has never met my baby. I’ve tried putting her down at the first sign of a yawn. I’ve tried putting her in her bassinet “awake, but drowsy.” Sorry, it doesn’t work for her. The only thing that works is if she’s asleep when I put her in, and by some miracle she doesn’t notice I’m setting her down. Otherwise, there are going to be tears. Sometimes only 2-3 minutes of weak crying – those are the good days! Sometimes 15 minutes of screaming. So, until I figure out a better system, I’m stuck chanting happy thoughts of motherhood to myself all afternoon. Or, I call Jacob at work and have him remind me what a good mother I am. That helps too.

Mommyhood is hard!!! Who knew?

When I do finally get her to go to sleep, she looks just like an angel!!! Makes the struggle more worth it!!!

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Alexia's Blessing

After three weeks, we finally got Alexia's blessing pictures downloaded and compressed. Took us long enough!!!

Her blessing went so well! My worst fear was that she'd either scream through the entire blessing, or poop all over her new dress that we paid $40 for. But, neither happened. All I did was make sure she was fed, and prayed for the best. She was an absolute angel during the blessing! She didn't cry or anything. Just stared at everyone in the circle. And, my brother Joe said that she was also staring just outside the circle, as if looking at someone else that was there (maybe one of her grandpa's that's passed on!!!). So, it was very special. She was wonderful through it, and Jacob did a great job blessing her. Here are a couple of pictures from the day.

Jake was helping me get her dress on in the morning, and as soon as I put her headband on, (that her wonderful Aunt Missy made) she just looked so cute! I had to run and grab the camera right that second to take a picture. Such an angel!

It was wonderful to have both our families there. Everyone from our immediate families was there, so that was wonderful. We missed our grandpas that couldn't make it! (Living and otherwise...)

I love this picture. It's a good family shot. Too bad we couldn't get Alexia to look at the camera. Even having three people behind the camera cooing at her and trying to get her attention, it still didn't work. But, all in all, it was a great day!

Monday, October 13, 2008

Doctor's Appointment

Okay, I have to write a quick note about Lexi's two month appopintment. To say it was rough would be a major understatement. She screamed the entire time - even before the shots. But, I got her home okay, and she napped for a long time after we got home. I woke her up for a feeding, and she started screaming bloody murder. I didn't know what was wrong - thought I made a big mistake waking her up. Maybe she just needed to nap longer. Then, I noticed big red marks on her legs where her shots were. She wouldn't even eat well. She'd suck for a minute, then start screaming and it'd take 3-4 minutes to calm her down, until it'd start all over again. I finally realized she was in pain from the shots. And having never done the shot thing with kids before, I didn't know that I needed to massage her legs where the shots were, so the medicine would spread out and not all pool where they gave the shot. No thanks to the nurses at the pediatrician's office for not warning me - I'm a new mom, I don't know this stuff! Sheesh!

I started sobbing myself, feeling so bad I couldn't do anything to help her. I called a merciful neighbor who brought over some Tylenol, and after giving her some, I held her while Jake had to massage her sore spots. She was bawling, I was bawling. I felt so helpless! I couldn't explain to her what was happening or why she was in pain, and I couldn't make it stop fast enough!!! Finally, she fell asleep, took a short nap, and woke up feeling much better, and happier. Such a relief!!!

But while she slept, I was reminded of how I called my mom the night I was in labor with Lexi. I called her sobbing around 4 am, just needing my mommy. She sobbed through the pain with me, and ended up going through a night of agony wondering how I was doing, when they were going to give me the epidural, etc. FINALLY, now that I went through Alexia's pain with her, I understand a small bit of how my mom felt, and how all parents must feel when their children are in pain, and they can't do anything to stop it. This was just Alexia's first set of shots. I'm sure it'll be so much harder when I see her go through more of life's trials. But, it did give me a taste of how much parents can love their children and hate to see them go through pain.

Kind of reminds me Heavenly Father having to watch his son, Jesus Christ suffer through the atonement. I know that my love for Alexia is imperfect, and nothing near Heavenly Father's ability to love, but it does give me a new perspective, realizing how much Heavenly Father loves each of us and hates to see us in pain.

So, there you go. Those are my thoughts precipitated by Alexia getting her two month shots. I'm sure the 4 month shots will be even more fun...

Thursday, October 9, 2008

Two Months Old!!!

I can't believe how time flies! It seems like we JUST posted pictures of Alexia's birth and two week picture. Now she's over two months old, and I'm getting bugged by everyone to get updated pictures on here. I've been called to repentance! Hopefully now that we have more of a routine down, I'll be better at putting stuff on here.

We've been trying to catch Alexia in a grin - she smiles all the time. It's just hard to get her holding still and smiling, and it's hard to get her to smile for the camera. But, here are some of the shots we have anyway... (forgive me, I'm new at this blog thing. Jacob usually does it, so this layout may not be too aesthetically pleasing)

Isn't she an angel? Always so cute when she's sleeping...

Of course, she's way cute awake, too!!!

I love these next two -

I love that look of wonder in the first one, and that mischevious look in the second.

Check out these smile ones. I promise, her smile is way more pronounced in person, but with a camera, this is the best we could do...

And by the way, she LOVES her daddy. Every day when he comes home from work, I bring her down to greet him. (Unless she's in the middle of a feeding or something). Anyway, as soon as he catches her eye, she gets this huge grin on her face, and she's happy and smiley for several minutes. It's adorable. I love these three pictures of Jacob and Lexi...

Jacob is SUCH a great daddy! For a long time, he knew how to change her diapers better and bathe her better than me! But, I've since caught up, and I think it's a toss up!

Oh, that fateful day when Jacob decided to teach Lexi about bouncing. She loves to stand up. She's always had a rather strong neck - we don't ever have to hold it. And with her strong legs, she likes to stand. To calm her down in the evening, Jacob started jumping her up and down on his knee, and she loved it. Now, she's addicted to the adrenaline or something. It never fails to calm her down, so we end up bouncing quite a bit. And it's a great workout for the arms!!!

This has to be one of my favorite pictures of both of them. I love how Alexia is just mesmerized by her daddy. I'm so glad I have such a wonderful hubby who's involved and loves to play with his daughter. I'm sure it'll get even better as she starts crawling and moving around more. Then, the kid in Jake will come out to play!!!

Okay, gotta post one last one. So cute!!! She used to not like the shoulder hold - but now sometimes it's all I can do to calm her down. Especially when she goes to the doctor's office...but that's another whole story for a different post.